Sat 24 Feb 2007
From “The Higher Power of Scrotum” (by Brigitte Schon):
Try this for size: “Shock and Awe” rephrased as “America Hits Baghdad’s Scrotum” – immediately, this action would of course have endangered the innocence of America’s children! I am convinced that the Republicans themselves would have stopped the bombings and the entire attack. Immediately. Never-ending apologies to America’s parents, school-teachers and librarians. Why did nobody think of it at the time??
Or else: A recent CNN headline like “U.S. planning for possible attack on Iran”, rephrased as “US plans to bite Iran on the scrotum”, is bound to lead to genuine outrage in conservative regions of the US! Angry schoolteachers, parents and librarians – start counting, that’s a huge crowd! – might march on Washington in utter dismay. Demanding impeachment.
In my opinion, the sky’s the limit when it comes to the many suitable usages of the word “scrotum”. This word might change American politics forever.
So my humble advice to politically active American citizens is simply to stop using harmless words like “war”, “invasion”, “bloodshed”, “murder”, “attack”, “bombing”, “Guantanamo”, “torture”, “deriched uranium”, “famine”, “rape”, “land mines”, “dead” and the like in order to reach out to Conservatives. None of that is seen as a threat to the innocence and purity of American children, as we have learned.
(if you’re wondering what this is in reference to — a public librarian from Los Angeles, Susan Patron, wrote the novel The Higher Power of Lucky, for which she won the Newbery Medal, America’s highest honor for children’s literature. The book mentioned the infamous word once, and libraries around the country are banning the book).